I had to say something very close to the above quote, quite recently in a conversation with someone who used to be close to me. What I am about to say here applies to all types of relationships: friendships, romantic involvements, and even sometimes to family members.
Remember this, people: just because you are compassionate and on a spiritual path doesn't mean that you have a mandate to tolerate being treated badly. I have seen so many people operate on a definition of compassion as denying their own needs for the sake of fulfilling the needs of others. This is selfless to the point of being unhealthy. True compassion extends to the self as well, which gives us the grace to admit our true feelings when we are disrespected and the strength to stand up for ourselves.
I see too many people making excuses and taking responsibility for other people's hurtful behavior. When we are striving to be our "best self", it's common to think we are being compassionate and trying to see the other person's perspective, when what we are actually doing is allowing ourselves to be manipulated. When someone hurts you, it's okay to feel whatever that makes you feel. You don't need to rationalize their behavior or try to "fix" them. You are not responsible for another person's decisions, so it's not your duty to find out and address why they did what they did. It is your duty to stand up for yourself, acknowledge how you feel, and process those feelings.
It's okay to be angry or feel betrayed. What is not okay is to deny those feelings and stuff them inside, telling yourself that you're taking the high road by "choosing" to feel positive. Denying our emotional response to being badly treated and rationalizing another person's poor treatment of us are just subtle ways of taking responsibility for their actions. When we do this, we get drawn into arguments where we may find ourselves apologizing to another person for something they did!
Don't forget about self-respect and self-compassion. If you believe, as I do, that everyone in the world deserves to be treated with love and respect, you must extend that love and respect to yourself. Sometimes loving and respecting yourself means having the courage to demand that others treat you like the tiny spark of divinity that you are. If they can't step up, maybe it's time to let go.
Remember this, people: just because you are compassionate and on a spiritual path doesn't mean that you have a mandate to tolerate being treated badly. I have seen so many people operate on a definition of compassion as denying their own needs for the sake of fulfilling the needs of others. This is selfless to the point of being unhealthy. True compassion extends to the self as well, which gives us the grace to admit our true feelings when we are disrespected and the strength to stand up for ourselves.
I see too many people making excuses and taking responsibility for other people's hurtful behavior. When we are striving to be our "best self", it's common to think we are being compassionate and trying to see the other person's perspective, when what we are actually doing is allowing ourselves to be manipulated. When someone hurts you, it's okay to feel whatever that makes you feel. You don't need to rationalize their behavior or try to "fix" them. You are not responsible for another person's decisions, so it's not your duty to find out and address why they did what they did. It is your duty to stand up for yourself, acknowledge how you feel, and process those feelings.
It's okay to be angry or feel betrayed. What is not okay is to deny those feelings and stuff them inside, telling yourself that you're taking the high road by "choosing" to feel positive. Denying our emotional response to being badly treated and rationalizing another person's poor treatment of us are just subtle ways of taking responsibility for their actions. When we do this, we get drawn into arguments where we may find ourselves apologizing to another person for something they did!
Don't forget about self-respect and self-compassion. If you believe, as I do, that everyone in the world deserves to be treated with love and respect, you must extend that love and respect to yourself. Sometimes loving and respecting yourself means having the courage to demand that others treat you like the tiny spark of divinity that you are. If they can't step up, maybe it's time to let go.